A Birthday Reflection (08/12/2012)

Today is my birthday, August 12th. Annually I take time to reflect on the prior year, and more importantly, look forward to the upcoming year. Many people make New Year’s resolutions, resolving to change behaviors, break habits or accomplish something new. About seven years ago I took the same premise and started to reflect on my birthday instead. First, it is a special day to me, not everyone is doing it. Second, if I decide to work out or lose weight, the gym is not crowded with others doing the same. During this annual journey I have made some important discoveries.

I have previously written of goals and planning. One of the key requirements to achieve goals is passion. Throughout the last seven years several items have appeared on my list repeatedly: learning to scuba dive, and learning spanish. Although I want to learn those skills, it appears I am not passionate about them. At the same time, I have listed several items that happened, but almost accidentally; flying for instance. In 2008 I was jobless and had sold my airplane. At the time I thought I would never have the opportunity to fly again as it is very expensive. However, I got a job in 2009 where flying was an integral part and the last three years have been hugely satisfying because I could fly. Similarly, I last year I was determined to add a new rating for flying and was able to accomplish it. I have passion about flying.

My annual list demonstrates some commonality, probably exemplifying who I am or want to be: be a good father, be a good husband, and be fit and healthy. To ensure I accomplish those behavioural goals I tie action items to them like “date night” or taking my kids out without their siblings; the alone times gives us a chance to talk. Other goals, like learning spanish and how to play the guitar look like television re-runs as they make the list annually, but never seem to progress.

This year I opened an old photo album, a gift given to me when I graduated college. I was struck by a how young, and in shape I was, ironically I had no idea at the time. Now, looking at pictures I see a young man with abs and pecs, a head of hair, and no wrinkles. More importantly, a young man who had not experienced the defeats nor the triumphs life throws. It is those ups and downs that put the look of time upon us and give oopportunity to reflect like this. As I reflect this year it is the young man I was who I consider, and wish I could warn of hazards and advise what to savor.

When I look back on August 12, 2013 I want to be proud of my actions as father and husband. I know each of my five children will change much in the next year and I cannot wait to watch them grow more. I can’t wait to see how my wife is a year from now; with the CPA and starting an unknown job behind her; I want to be her biggest cheerleader. My proudest accomplishment will be completing my book, “Born in ’67,” of which I have barely scratched the surface writing. If I can remain fit and healthy, learn a few spanish phrases and how to play “Happy Birthday” on my guitar I will have crossed the finish line. Several other goals remain, but they are icing on the cake; getting my CFI, retaking the LSAT (and scoring higher), and playing a few rounds of golf. Regardless of how I do, I want my reflection to drive one feeling: contentment.

Passion, Dreams, Goals, or Experiences?

Over the last several weeks I have written about opportunities, decision making, and eliminating naysayers. In this final column of the series I want to wrap up with bringing dreams to life. Or better yet, posing the question is it passion, dreams, or goals that bring success and change to us? One person’s passion, may be another’s dream, and yet another’s goal.

Passion is the ultimate driver for any success and is typically seen as energy or commitment, for without passion opportunities are doomed to failure because it is easy to quit. I am most intrigued by life-long passions like Einstein’s research or an unknown 50-year Bridge player named Mary Alice Seville of Corvallis, Oregon. I wonder what drives these people to maintain their commitment. My wife and I discussed passion this past week and I had to admit, I probably have no current passions. In contrast, dreams paint a picture in our minds about our future; a picture of a day not arrived whereas passion on the hand is what carries us through the gloom, threat of failure, and makes an ordinary day exciting.

Dreams are what we wish for, talk about, and bring radical change to our life. With energy, enthusiasm, perseverance, and passion I believe anyone can achieve their dreams. None are impossible, having typically been proven by others doing them, but we must understand elements of dreams are out of our hands. Thus, it is important to understand a subtle difference between dreams and goals. While dreams are typically dependent on others, like “I want to be a rock star,” goals are of our own control. Sadly, failure to achieve dreams is common because many are not grounded in reality and external factors wipe out their probability of success.

Goals are milestones, generally steps on the way to achieving our passion and dreams. Most people would find personal goals synonymous with resolutions, describing accomplishments over both short and long periods of time. Goal setting lends itself to providing a long-term vision for our lives, and most likely spawns from our passion. Examples of goals are running a marathon, losing weight, or making ten sales calls per day; all specific and not dependent on outside variables. As exemplified above, goals are differentiated from dreams by eliminating external circumstances. For example, my goal of riding my bike cross-country is dependent on my ability to train and plan, not on acceptance by others.

Lastly I want to touch on experiences; the toughest for me because finding the difference between goals and experiences is difficult. When I look at some of my personal goals: own a Porsche, or ride my bike across America, I must wonder if they are truly goals or desires for an experience. This is the everyday mental battle I face and therefore work to find underlying commonalities.

Regardless of whether considering passion, goals, dreams, or experiences we must be cognizant to opportunities knocking. When hearing the knock I feel we are obligated to actively make decisions, and eliminate negative people from our lives. Each of us can improve our lives dramatically and even more so by developing a long-term vision. It is obvious though, we are all different and everyday many people accomplish what others consider impossible. To those that see impossibility they should look to others for inspiration and how to achieve success. Ultimately though, if we find our passion then our lives fall into sync and our dreams become reality.

Naysayers – Don’t be kept down (5/16/2012)

Imagine your excitement regarding a new goal, like going back to school or starting a business, and everyone you share your idea with finds problems with it. Parents are guilty of using their personal failures as experience to discourage children and friends allow their own insecurities to trump support.

This is my third column regarding opportunities, decision-making and pursuing our dreams. Along the way we must acknowledge the negative influencers who stop us. Many years ago I discovered the type of personality type I would call the “naysayer;” the friend or family member who constantly spews negativity. I am a believer that the ability to recognize and consider opportunities, make effective and timely decisions, and avoid naysayers will propel us forward to new successes.

The classic naysayer can be described as “Eeyore” from the “Winnie the Pooh” series of books. At first glance a likable character and friend, but upon examination he is dreadful. For example Eeyore once conversed with Pooh, “Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he said. Eeyore always saw the glass half full, sadly never relishing the hope which comes from optimism.

As an optimist, it is hard to acknowledge negative people, but once I found the naysayer and understood their life’s mission is pessimism, cynicism, skepticism, and denial regarding any opportunities it was obvious avoiding these people was critical to my own success. The naysayer would not admire my success and therefore was an enemy to my future.

We must challenge ourselves to ask “who do I know that is a naysayer?” Sadly, they may be our spouse, a family member, or close friend. The worst scenario is a trusted confidant as a naysayer. Over time we may not realize this is the case, but unfortunately the naysayer is the most significant obstacle to seizing new opportunities.

To recognize those holding you back you must take a close look at your friends and family who constantly find problems with your dreams, goals, and desires. Cheerleaders of your interests will always look for positive outcomes to your opportunities. A supportive friend will debate the merits of your considerations and offer pragmatic opinions. A naysayer, on the other hand, will immediately question the wisdom of your ideas and find nothing but negative consequences.

We must beware the naysayer because they will fill us with negative energy and prevent the empowerment we find when taking control of our own lives. Sadly, the naysayer is more devastating when it is someone we love or hold in close esteem because we inherently trust their opinions, sometimes more than our own. My advice is just say no to the naysayer and break away to find freedom in your own successful pursuit of opportunities.

Do you Plan?

I have a belief that most people just allow life to happen to them. Every year I sit down on my birthday and set goals for the following 12 months. I write these down and keep the list in my bedside table drawer. I have several years of these goals now. It makes it easy to see what was important to me, what I accomplished, and where I failed.

Working through professional development with friends and co-workers I have learned too many of us are reactive instead of proactive in planning. It is easy to be consumed in the daily “fires” of our jobs and life. It is harder, and better, to have a plan and control how we fight those fires.  Having goals will help you move forward in life.

How do I start?

1) Create a calendar, viewed by week. Days across the top and weeks down the left. I like to us MS-Excel for this.

Week of | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thur | Fri | Sat | Sun
4/30    |     |     |       |    |     |     |
5/7     |     |     |       |    |     |     |

2) Next, insert everything you know for the year.  For example, vacations and trade shows should go on your calendar.  You know the dates.  Next block known holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, July 4th, etc.

3) You now have a working skeleton of a schedule.  From a tactical standpoint you can layout travel for work or specific goals.  For example,  I layout regular travel to other offices on my calendar.  I have challenged co-workers using similar tool to plan for territorial travel regarding sales.

When done you have a look at the next 13 months.  Your next challenge is to identify recurring items, like weekly meetings, monthly meetings, doctors appointments, etc and add them to your Outlook or Gmail calendar.  At a glance you should always know when you have an appointment. 
“We must be able to look out 13 months and know where we are going, professionally and personally. Otherwise we are no different than a message in a bottle; we may have something important to say but leave our fate to the currents and waves of life. A plan allows us to instead navigate calm and storm alike. And, although we may be pushed off course our direction will generally take us where we want to go. The unguided bottle, on the other hand, cannot predict its fate.” – John Nelson